Elegiac
by Euregatto
Summary: Petra turns to leave but he grabs her wrist with a grip like iron. "Why does it have to be him? Why can't I be good enough for you?" - Petra x Auruo one-shot, implied Levi x Hanji [songfic]


**A/N**: Leave a review and let me know what you thought :D ~Song:_ Elegiac_ - Tom Day & Monsoonsiren

* * *

**Elegiac**

An Auruo x Petra one-shot by:** Euregatto**

**.: :.  
.: :.**

_You build my love and then you tear it down _  
_All alone, you're gone for gold _  
_So many caged emotions, so many lies _  
_It's your eyes that give you away _

_I was greed _  
_I was in need_

* * *

The clock just barely ticks past midnight by the time Petra reaches Auruo's door, sealed letter in her grip.

She sighs to herself and raises her fist to the slab of hard, notched wood in front of her. _He's probably drunk by now, _she tells herself humorlessly, because he has been drinking a lot lately,_ no, **definitely** drunk; he had five bottles of beer on him, so he won't even have the sight to figure out which of those twelve doorknobs is the one to open the door. _She's never actually been in his room since the move, but if it's anything like before she won't be able to get through to him.

She finds it unnervingly unlocked and enters. "Auruo? Hey, are you here?"

His room is spotless, surprisingly; there isn't a single picture or book shelf or grain of dirt anywhere. It's barren aside from his bed, which is neatly made, and a desk with scattered paperwork on it pushed up against the window.

He's seated on the backwards chair, toying with the half-empty glass in his grasp. "I'm a little tea pot short and stout," he slurs, slamming his hand down into the desktop so suddenly she jumps. "Run motherfucker, or I'll cuss you out… Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to _you_." He points to the bird nest situated on his window sill. The little chickadee merely puts its head under its wing. "D-Don't ignore me you feathery bastard! I'll cook your kids for _breakfast!_"

She rolls her eyes skyward and steps up to him. "Auruo," she remarks but he doesn't react, "some of your mail got mixed up in mine. Here."

She places the envelope under his nose. He stares down at it, long and hard, trying to figure out who the name scribbled on the front is. The letters aren't staying still. "I don't know these people," he says finally, making an attempt to brush it off but misses. "They can go… I dunno, fall in a hole somewhere."

He may not look it, but Auruo Bossard is only four years older than she is, even though he certainly acts like he's fifteen. He's always been and will _always_ be this way – obnoxious, immature, harnessing a heart of gold. Everyone knows he wants to be in Lance Corporal Levi's position; he desires to be anyone but _himself_, really, even if he's a great fighter and couldn't care less if he was taking on a group of Titans single-handedly.

"It's your mother," she informs him tastelessly.

"Mama!" He exclaims, tearing open the top with his teeth like a savage. She winces. He unfolds the paper, even though it's upside down, and tries to recite it aloud. "I can't read it! Petra, Petra, Petra, read it for meee!" The tri-fold sheet is shoved against her stomach. "Do it. I don't… I don't speak whatever _that_ is…"

"It's backwards."

"Is that some kinda French?"

She harmlessly bops him on the back of his head with her fist. "Shut up. How much have you had to drink, anyway?"

He shrugs passively. "I dunno… like three glasses… or was it – or was it five? Oh, I can't remember…" His glass wafts in the direction of the bird. "That asshole was distracting me so I couldn't keep count."

"I'm _really_ sure it was the bird." That's her, all sass and smiles. She probably couldn't handle him if she acted any differently; come to think of it, he's doesn't get along well with Erd or Günter. _He's too nutty for them,_ she concludes. Her amber gaze focuses on the letter in her fingers. "Auruo, do you want me to read it? Or do you want to look at it tomorrow when you're sobered up?"

He scoffs, even though nothing's funny. "Go ahead… I'm _all_ ears, baby…"

She skims the first paragraph over – her expression drops and her heart sinks into the pit of her stomach. When she looks up she catches him watching her out of the corner of his eyes, eager and impatient. "It's your father, Auruo. He's dead."

"Old man finally kicked the bucket!" He cheers loud enough to wake the whole castle and grapples the closest bottle next to him. "Drinks all around!"

"This is your father!" She snaps, throwing the letter in front of him. "Have some respect!"

"Not like _he_ respected _me_. That asshole always regretted my existence – mostly because I was never what he wanted in a son." Auruo fills up his glass with what's left and sticks the empty bottle on the floor with the other. "He said I should've been like Levi! Or Erwin! Or Pixis! But I would never be them." The glass is offered out in her direction. "I would never be like my brother Jace, who graduated top of his class like a… like a _real man_."

Petra sits on the edge of the bed because it's close to the desk. She notes that he's never seemed so distraught before – she always thought he wanted to be like Levi because he wanted to be cool, and looked up to. The last thought to cross her mind was this; that he has some sort of father complex due to childhood trauma. It's sick. It's so very, very sick. "Auruo…"

He realizes she's not accepting his drinking request and puts the glass back on the desk, right on the letter. "Jace… who joined this shithole Legion and died serving humanity. It didn't matter if I followed in his footsteps or not – because I wasn't able to, so in the end I was nothing special."

Petra watches him pitifully as he downs half the glass and gives the rest to her. This time she takes it. The beer tastes bitter and dark on her tongue, but it settles complacently in her stomach. "Did you love your brother?" She questions sympathetically, drinking again.

He turns his hazy glare elsewhere and remembers – how his brother would protect him from the bullies at the end of the street, the times they spent play fighting or exploring the town because it was just so big, and the moments Jace would defend him from their father because Auruo was never good enough. "More than anything."

"I'm sure your father loved you, Auruo."

"He sure had a funny way of showing it." He stares at the bird across from him when it ruffles its saffron feathers and settles again. There's a flash of speckled eggs resting beneath it. "Does your father love you?"

She presses her lips into a thin line. He's definitely going somewhere with this. "Of course. And I love him – with all my heart."

"Do you love Levi?"

_And there it is._ She _knew_ he was going somewhere with it, as he always does, and when she looks up at him his attention is elsewhere, filled with a sudden clarity and bereavement. Exhaling a held breath, she gets up and places the glass in his hand. "This conversation is done. Goodnight, Auruo, I'll bring you a Bloody Mary first thing in the morning." She turns to leave but he grabs her wrist with a grip like iron.

"Why does it have to be _him?_ Why can't _I_ be good enough for you?!"

She goes rigid, body fueling with anger, despair, and _betrayal_ – welling emotions towards him and Levi and finding out that while she had her future set on her captain he had his future set on that sociopathic, eccentric scientist with the auburn hair like fire. That grim reminder is enough to tip her over the edge; a tear slides down her cheek, rolling off her chin and soaking into the fabric of her shirt. "Let me go, Auruo. I will _only_ tell you once."

But this is _Auruo_, and he always knows better than anyone when letting go just isn't an option. So he doesn't listen to her, as always; instead he stands and pulls her close, letting her sob gently into his chest. "I know it hurts, babe."

She fists his shirt until her knuckles are white and pathetic whimpers have stopped slipping from her lips. "I'm sorry," she says quietly, "I'm so sorry…" She's apologizing for everything – for the way she's ignored him and the dead comrades she couldn't save and how he's been looking at her from afar since she joined the Legion – but it doesn't matter now. It's a little too late for that.

Gradually she moves her arms to the back of his neck and guides him down to meet her lips. He tastes like the alcohol he's been drinking, and smells so strongly she won't be able to use her nose for a week after this, but he's warm and gentle all the same.

He pulls away suddenly, abruptly – "Petra-"

"I need this," she utters, moving her fingers towards his waist and kissing him again. His brow furrows and she suggestively tugs him by his belt. "I need this, Auruo. _Please_. Just for right now."

She's desperate and lying in pieces right in front of him. And he understands. She doesn't want this because she' s _lonely_ – she needs this because she _has_ _to_ _forget_. Forget about Levi, about the Titans, about those they've lost and the death they've avoided… even if only for a little while. He understands, more than most.

But he still doesn't want it to happen like this. He respects her – he _likes_ her – he doesn't want her to give up her body for the first time (and he knows this, because he's overheard her conversations with Hanji) if it's only because she's hurt, broken, _defeated_. But he kisses her regardless, tongue massaging hers, and he helps her remove the outer, unnecessary articles of clothing like his shirt and her belt, before his fingers find the familiar glass on his desk.

"Drink," he coerces, and she does. "You'll need it."

* * *

The funeral ceremony lasts longer than he can stand, but Auruo sucks it up and pulls through for his mother. She cries silently beside him, and even though he hasn't seen her in three long years she doesn't look a day over forty. His dad was easily sixty, only three years older than her, but diseased with heart and liver problems that had been the result of his sudden death. Auruo doesn't even shed a tear.

Once everyone has parted ways to go home he travels to the nearest bench under a tree, with his arm hooked into his mother's. "He loved you," she tells her son softly, "he loved you very much."

"I know," he mutters dejectedly. But he doesn't believe her.

They sit in silence for several more moments until a familiar figure approaches and stands over him, blocking out the intense sun. He glances up to see Petra, dressed in a thin black skirt and frilly dress shirt; she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles. "We're ready to go when you are."

He had forgotten his team showed up to pay their respects, but he had been too distracted to notice where they went after. This is the first time he's seen her, specifically, however, and his face immediately flushes. "Who's this, Honey?" His mother questions. "One of your friends?"

"I'm Petra Ral," the girl chirps, taking the older woman's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Bossard."

"You can call me Rina," she amends and allows Petra to help her up. "Oh, my, sweetheart, you're _very_ beautiful. Have you been keeping my boy in line?" — "_Mom!_" — "He has his father's mouth, you know."

Petra turns her amber eyes to Auruo. They twinkle with a sly amusement that he instantly frowns at. "Of course."

He leans his lips to her ear. "You're going to suffer for every last detail you tell her."

"I'm sure I will." She discreetly presses a kiss against the corner of his lips. "But that's for later, now isn't it?" She turns away from him when Rina starts to ramble about how scary it must be outside the wall.

He allows a wane smile to replace his normally irritated features. _Better later than never, as my father used to say._

* * *

_I tried to say, I love you more than Coleen  
Oh your love will fall from that tree  
I try to hold you, but you run away  
It's your eyes that give you away_

_I was greed_  
_I was in need_


End file.
